As time has gone by I’ve realised it’s not about being the perfect parent, ticking all the boxes or having the perfect home. It’s about survival!
I used to continually beat myself up for being an awful mother, I try hard not to now, but sometimes I still do. It’s been so hard not to compare my child to others, and then blame myself when he wasn’t doing what the others were. As time has gone by I’ve learnt to realise something I already knew, they all do it at their own pace. The comparing was more about me than him, to be honest, why “hadn’t I taught him to do that?” or “I wasn’t spending enough time with him”
Now my second child is 6 months old, and I’ve realised I don’t do that anymore, I don’t worry about mile stones, just that they are happy and good.
I always wanted to be a calm parent, I used and still do feel awful if I lose my temper with them or get frustrated. I started to open up about this with other mums. “I yelled at him yesterday for hanging off my leg in the kitchen” or “I feel so frustrated, why won’t she sleep!” To my surprise I’m not the only parent to lose it sometimes. I’ve made an amazing discovery, some of the parents who seem so calm and chilled also yell and scream occasionally, when things get hard.
I’m not talking about every day, just occasionally when they’re exhausted and hanging on by the skin of their teeth. It’s just a part of parenting we seem not to talk about much for fear of being judged, but we are only human and sometimes I yell. However, as long as I try not to, and it only happens occasionally, I think it will be balanced out by all the other times I am a calm and loving parent.